K- Porter, who has always been known as such, flew the coop and suddenly died last night at 6:53 pm (PST). According to those at the scene, it appeared that she suddenly choked on some unknown substance. When examined by the coroner, it turned out that she had indeed needed the Heimlich Maneuver for she had choked on a pun, and must have been eating her words instead of her chicken dinner. The person suspected of fowl play was the very person she had been exchanging those most fateful words with, and was unknown to anyone present at the table. At the time, the turkey was only introduced as “Someone from #alt.v. . . Not one to crow about.” After much work, the police have come to the heart stopping conclusion that the “life of the party” may very well have been the pain in the neck who is throttling population of the cursed #alt.vampyres. Unfortunately, the suspect took flight once K-’s distress became apparent and is still “on the wing” at this very moment.