"she was a bitch. but she was fun."

associated press report, 2:37 pm 06/24/98:

 aiken, sc -- ryssa was found dead in her cubicle at work early this afternoon. she had evidently been working at her computer when a rather wicked-looking hunting arrow pinned her to the back wall. regular co-workers were shocked and appalled, but the other co-ops threw a small party in the break room.

 speculation runs rampant around the water cooler as to the motive behind this random slaying. the most popular theory is that one of the older co-ops, jealous of ryssa's masterful technique in computer modeling of nuclear fuel storage, performed the slaying "on behalf of college students everywhere". one of the few other female engineers in the building, however, claims, "those boys were just sexually frustrated. ryssa just cut her hair short, and they all became convinced that the reason she wouldn't sleep with them was that she was a dyke. it's really because they all have pocket protectors and sleep with their keyboards."

 regardless of these theories, federal investigators are confused by the fact that the arrow seemed to come from the direction of her computer monitor, where an irc window was open to the efnet channel #alt.vampyres. a rash of recent slayings has hit the members of this channel, and authorities are searching for a connection. members of the channel were unavailable for comment.

related articles