June 16, 1976 - April 15, 1998

The still-smoking body of Melissa Hynes, known to the Internet community as Takhisis, was found early this morning collapsed over her computer. Autopsy results are forthcoming, but the current statement by police reveals that Ms. Hynes was suffering from advanced stages of Internet addiction.

"This is a very sad, sick thing to have to see," stated one of the officers. "Cases like this take years to develop, but society is too focused on minor problems like crack and violence in cartoons to notice young people like this wasting away before their eyes." Preliminary forensic reports speculate that the cause of death was electrocution. "In extreme addictions, the victim will have severe withdrawal symptoms, what we call 'Net Fits'. Like an epileptic seizure, the victim will twitch and rage out of control until the Internet connection is restored. From what we can see, Ms. Hynes' modem dropped carrier approximately 10:15 PM. Wild and uncontrollable flailing of the arms toppled over a nearby can of soda onto the computer equipment, causing sparks and the beginnings of a fire. The victim, blind to the "real world" around her, placed her hands back on the keyboard in hopes of a new connection or "fix", and you can see the result."

Ms. Hynes' death, although classified as "misadventure" by the authorities, is the most recent in a bizzarre and coincidental string of deaths striking the community of an online group known as #alt.vampyres. For a related story, click here.

Ms. Hynes is survived by her parents, three aunts, four uncles, five cousins, four grandparents, one swain, a large group of friends who want their money back, and two very irritated cats.

And Life Goes On.