teaching baby to fly

she's in my arms, the tender new angelbaby, the sweet vampyregurl. baby jinx.

i'm the wicked seraph in the gargoyle mask, the fallen angel come to give her flying lessons. jewel.

the baby turns to me with wide dark eyes: "will you teach me to fly?"

i pause to gaze solemnly at her. this request is more serious than perhaps the baby realizes. to ask one who once has flown, but flies no longer...

to teach the baby to fly!

(i am reminded of past flying lessons, and those who have now flown so far away from me)

(willow o willow will you weep for me)

but here now is a sweet baby, precious new angel-childe asking asking asking me...

i take off my gargoyle mask. what is underneath makes the darling one inhale and cry, once. i kiss her lightly on the lips. i whisper, once,

"yes."

and haul her to the top of the chapel roof by her pretty new wings. all hot and strong in my hands...wet and fibrous. darling, darling--! i pull HARD and she's in my hands. precious baby. i want to devour her with a red kiss, just once. i want to tear her wings with my cut ruby
teeth, once.

she cries she cries and we are at the TOP of the chapel teetering on the sloped roof and the entire cemetery is laid out before us our kingdom!

the nightgown is sealed to her small form and i want to rip it off. the wind blows and i want to throw her in the storm's teeth.

i catch a long slender branch. test its flexibility. it gives a
satisfying

snap,

once.

the baby pants and smiles uncertainly. i roughly point her face outward, away from me. i stand behind her and kick her toes out over the edge of the roof.

and in angel-speak with guttural noise i do say:

{all the best lessons}
{are taught with tender violence}
{when wishing comes true}
{brutality guides its realization}
{and in love will i break thee}
{and in love will i make thee}
{earn thy first flight}

the baby looks down and teeters. i

snap

the branch near her calves

{look upon our beautiful kingdom of death}
{gaze on the fruits of humanity's labor}
{learn to love the dust}
{learn to float above it}
{or it will swallow you, too}

the baby looks up and gasps. i

crack

the branch & her new wings rustle

{look upon our wond'rous sky}
{of stars trapped in branches of ash}
{of clouds caught in hawthorn bones}
{look and learn to love}
{the treacherous sky}
{or it will swallow you, too}

the baby looks out and weeps. i whip the branch above her and she trembles from wingtip to outstretched wingtip

{look down into the maw of earth}
{gaze into the grave which eats all things}
{no one lives forever}
{not even the undead}
{learn to love your tomb}
{for it will swallow you, too}

and the baby turns as if to look at me.

as if to look upon my copper wire hair // my opal skin // my dark onyx eyes // my aquamarine lips and cut ruby teeth // my bones my bones my translucent bones of diamond and ash...

as if to look at ME

in a glimmering she sees & i raise the branch to strike her--

and she

leaps

free--

and the baby is flying flying flying in fear and joy in lust and
terror in a wild sort of singing that's like swallowing...

i turn away and curl my form to the flexible branch. out of the corner of my onyx eye i watch her first beautiful flight...

i want to turn away turn away turn away in abject jealousy but instead i watch out of the corner of my eye in case she falls if she falls i will catch her if she fell i would catch her--

i would
swallow her whole.

copyright 1996 by jewel

(Julieann M. Brown-Micko)