Lost in the Light
by Chaotic Serenity

Author's Notes: Meier...how he did mourn. Dedicated to love that was too temporary in living and too quick to die.

Warnings: Adult themes.

Spoilers: Second movie.

Obligatory Disclaimer: I own no part of the characters mentioned in this story. The poetry is "I Am Not Yours" by Sarah Teasdale.

Lost in the Light

I am not yours, not lost in you,
   Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
   Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

          Beyond the stained-glass windows of the speeding ship, he could see beyond the stars and the blackness and all that was beyond it until his vision hit the cold and fruitless Earth, hollow and dark in its pregnant silence.
          She was below him, hair spread like an angel's halo around her, eyes closed with a tiny smile drawn across her pale and peaceful features. If he tried, he could imagine that she was sleeping by his side like so many times before, exhausted in the aftermath of loving, her arms wrapped tightly around his cold and unyielding body.
          He could almost imagine. If it wasn't for the blood.
          And the silence.
          Dried streaks of red fluid ran from her perfect neck down to the hem of dress, dying the white a dark crimson. He had tried to wipe it away, but he had waited too long to do so, and now it remained forever staining her still and unmoving form.
          Outside the window, the stars continued to pass by in rapid flashes of light, miniature suns that burned through his eyes and into his soul, tearing away the hardened layers and leaving the fields of his spirit ripe for harvest and plunder.
          He refused to believe that she was gone.

You love me, and I find you still
   A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
   Lost as a light is lost in light.

          Shadows played over his features, clashing harshly with the glaring lights around him. His vision was blurred, the sun burning into him. He hadn't seen a sunrise in so long...What happened to his sunrise?
          He reached out a hand, enclosing it over her tiny, delicate one, and listened for a heartbeat, anything that would shatter this spectrum of torment and Chaos.
          But all he could hear and feel was the terrible, suffocating silence screaming his ears, and with the remembrance that even with the spectrum shattered there was no mirror in which he could reflect, he dropped her hand.
          It wasn't fair.
          She had done so much for him, loved him where others had abhorred to his kind. She had dared to look beyond the flesh, dared to cross the line between mortal and immortal.
          And then she had died for it.
          "You're so selfish Meier."
          There had to be something he could do. Hardly ever before had he failed anyone, much less she, and there was so much he still had left to give her...
          Grasping her in his arms, he pulled her close, wrapping her body in his own frozen warmth. "Charlotte...Charlotte...wake up. I'll change you, if you desire, I'll give you anything."
          She had asked him for that, hadn't she? Had placed a hand behind the back of his hand and pulled him close again even as he forced himself away, begging him to give himself over to her entirely--no, to give herself over to him.
          And he had refused her. Had he not, she may possibly still been alive.
          "I want all of you, Meier."
          It wasn't fair.
          It should have been him.
          "Why," he demanded, clutching her tightly. "Why?"
          The tidal wave of emotion swept over him, pushing him backwards into the shadows behind him, drowning him until he numb and buried, without a fang bared or a clawed hand raised in resistance.

Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out
   My senses, leave me deaf and blind,

          The shadow of a planet passed over the ship, enclosing it completely in darkness. And in this newfound blackness, he groped for her warmth, his long digits trailing cool roads across her flesh, seeking desperately for answers of which he was not in want.
          The painted windows, obscured by the shadows, showed him nothing; they had not even the stars to guide them.
          There was nothing. Only cold.
          And silence. Thick silence.
          It was there, in the darkness and terrible serenity of lone and singular ship, that the tears came. He didn't bother to fight, not knowing quite how. Hot and heavy, they flowed like tiny rivers forging deeper valleys through the canyon of his soul.
          And he let them come because he had nothing else he could do. Yet while he wept there was no release. Only more darkness, more sorrow, for he mourned as he had never known himself able to, loved and felt as he had never realized.
          And that hurt more than the blood and the darkness and the shadows and the silence because he had been given an eternity to show her such emotions and had failed.
          Leaning over, he hoisted her into his arms so that the her head was against his chest, her pale limbs gathered about her as he wrapped his arms around her form, burying his head into her hair and inhaling her lingering scents of sunrise and summer and femininity and...blood.

Swept by the tempest of your love,
   A taper in a rushing wind.

          Time faded, and they passed through the shadow of the planet and into the brilliance of the universe. The stars flew by faster now.
          Finally, he lifted his head. His red eyes were dry now of tears, and the painted windows beyond his vision were filled with only the vast nothingness of stars and darkness.
          "I love you, Meier..."
          The silence pooled around them, and the lights faded.

          I love you too.
          "Forever," he said softly, nuzzling her neck, "Forever mine."
          The silence burned and buried him.
          "I promise."

Final Notes From the Author:


          Again, I apologize for the dark nature of the story, but I felt that it had to be written since I haven't seen any fanfics dealing with Meier's feelings after her death.  Meier and Charlotte were easily my most favorite characters from Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. Meier I loved for his dedication to his lover and willingness to accept what he was and take responsibility for his actions. Charlotte I adored for her strength. She's a strong woman with a strong heart, who left her family to pursue deeper unions of the heart.  It takes a lot of strength to be able to do such a thing, and I was proud of her for it.

          Thank you for reading.

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